The Week Before
by Rinn Harridan
Summary: Takes place in the week before the beginning of Mass Effect 1.
1. Chapter 1

"Wow."

Kaidan Alenko couldn't think of any other words to say as he stepped out of the elevator and onto the Alliance docking bay. He'd heard that the S.S.V Normandy, the Alliance warship he was going to be serving on, was a special prototype, but no-one had informed him of just how amazing it looked. Sleek and armed with an array of powerful looking weapons, a deadly combination.

"She's a beautiful ship isn't she?"

Kaidan looked away from the Normandy as a man roughly the same age as him and wearing a standard Systems Alliance Navy uniform, plus a baseball cap with SR1 printed on it, moved toward him on a set of crutches.

"You can say that again," Kaidan agreed. "Are you going to be serving on the Normandy?"

"Sure am," the man grinned. "Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau at your service. You can just call me Joker."

"Nice to meet you Joker," Kaidan replied, shaking the pilot's hand. "I'm Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko."

"Sir!" Joker smirked as he managed to balance on one crutch and saluted Kaidan.

"At ease," Kaidan replied with a laugh. "So, have you met any of the other crew yet?"

"Just Navigator Pressly and this kid called Jenkins," Joker replied as he and Kaidan headed for the Normandy's entrance. "He's a corporal I think."

"Lucky bastard," Kaidan replied as the door closed behind them and a female voice advised them to stand by and that the decontamination sequence was in progress. "I'd have given anything to serve on a ship like this when I was a corporal."

After the decontamination ended, the door slid open and the two lieutenants took their first step aboard the Normandy.

"I know I'm going to sound like a broken record," Kaidan said quietly. "But wow . . ."

The SSV Normandy, in his opinion was just as impressive inside as it was outside. Its size was deceptive. From the outside, the Normandy looked small compared to most other warships, but there was more than enough space inside.

"I can't wait to make her dance," Joker said as he hobbled over to the pilot's seat and sat down with a sigh of relief. "You just know she's going to have amazing speed."

Kaidan smiled as Joker began acquainting himself with the numerous control panels in front of him. He was like a kid in a candy story with unlimited credits.

"Any clue who our captain and executive officer are going to be?" Kaidan asked as he settled down in the co-pilot's seat.

"They're keeping it all very hush-hush," Joker replied. "They must be important whoever they are. You've got to have a pretty distinguished service record to serve on the Normandy."

"I'm going to greet the others and have a look around the rest of the ship," Kaidan announced as he stood up. "You coming Joker?"

"No. I've got to rest my legs for a little bit," Joker replied, still engrossed in the panels in front of him. "They're killing me."

Making a mental note to ask Joker about his legs later, Kaidan walked past the heat load monitors and down to the Galaxy Map area which seemed to have become a meeting area for the Normandy's crew. He met Pressly, the over eager Jenkins, engineer Adams who was raving about the Normandy's 'revolutionary' drive core and said a quick hello to Doctor Chakwas who he'd served with once or twice before. Everyone had theories on who the captain and exo were going to be, but no one knew for certain. Kaidan checked out the mess, the infirmary where he would eventually be spending time due to his more severe migraines, the sleeping pods which looked less than comfortable, the massive drive core that was just as impressive as Adams had made it out to be and the cargo hold before he decided to head back to Joker. Kaidan rode the elevator back up and made his way to the bridge.

"Man this ship is impressive," he said as he stood beside the pilot. "I've never seen a drive core like that."

"I just can't wait to see how this beauty handles," Joker said with a wide smile. "Let's hope the captain and . . ."

Before Joker could finish his sentence, the decontamination door slid open and a man, presumably the ship's captain judging by his uniform, in his late forties walked onto the bridge.

"No way," Joker and Kaidan muttered in almost perfect unison.

David Anderson was one of the most decorated Alliance Special Forces officers. In many ways, he was the perfect captain for a ship as special as the Normandy. He'd fought in the First Contact War and had been on dozens of special missions after that.

"I never thought for a moment he'd be our captain," Kaidan murmured as he sat down and stretched out his legs.

"I wonder if this means we're being sent on some sort of special classified assignment?" Joker replied as turned his attention to the lieutenant. "It explains what Captain Anderson is doing here and why we seem to have a full crew."

"Maybe," Kaidan said thoughtfully. "It'll be interesting to see who Captain Anderson picked to be his exo."

"I wonder if it'll be Commander Shepard?" Joker wondered thoughtfully. "There are rumours she's his protégée, plus she's just as famous and respected as he is."

"The hero of the Blitz? I doubt it," Kaidan replied. "There's really no reason for the Alliance to pick someone as highly ranked as her. She has N7 status and she's been awarded the Star of Terra, so they've probably got her working on something more important than taking a new ship for a test run."

"I've only ever seen her in vids," Joker replied as he cracked his neck. "I wonder what she's like?"

"Dunno. The only time I've seen her in person is at the ceremony when they awarded her the Star of Terra," Kaidan replied. "She's the most beautiful war hero I've ever seen."

"Thank you for the compliment Lieutenant Alenko."

Kaidan turned in his seat and then quickly sprang to his feet at the sight of the woman in her late twenties and wearingN7 armour standing just behind him. She was similar in height to him with short brown hair, dark brown eyes, fair skin and a small but deep scar under her right eye. Kaidan's mind couldn't help but make a comparison of her to the Normandy. There were obvious similarities. Both were beautiful, sleek and heavily armed. The woman was carrying an assault rifle, a shotgun, a pistol and a sniper rifle. There was no doubt in Kaidan's mind that she could wield each of the four weapons with deadly proficiency.

"Ma'am!" Kaidan saluted as Joker too got to his feet and saluted.

"At ease lieutenants," Shepard smiled. "And feel free to call me commander."

"Welcome aboard the Normandy commander," Joker said as he shook hands with her. "What do you think of her so far?"

"Alliance brass weren't kidding when they said the Normandy was one of a kind," Shepard replied. "Your last assignment was aboard the Ishimura wasn't it?"

"I see you've read my case file," Joker grinned. "Ishimura was the best ship I served on. It flew like a dream."

"I hope you don't mind," Shepard said with a smile. "I make a habit of reading the files of the people I'm going to be serving with, which brings me to you lieutenant."

"Ma'am?" Kaidan said with a little uncertainty as Joker hobbled back into his chair.

"You've got at least a dozen special commendations," Shepard said, smiling inwardly at the still embarrassed look on her subordinates face. "That's very impressive. So is your service record."

"Thank you ma'am," Kaidan said with a sense of pride.

"You two would make quite the team," Joker said, smirking as Kaidan shot him a look that clearly meant 'shut the hell up'.

"I look forward to serving with two such fine officers. Now, if you'll excuse me," Shepard said warmly, nodding her head slightly at them before walking away to find Captain Anderson.

"The expression on your face was priceless," Joker laughed when she was far enough out of ear shot. "I wasn't kidding though. You two would make a good team, or rather a good couple."

"She's going to think I'm a total moron," Kaidan said with a mournful expression.

"Maybe you're just type," Joker smirked. "Maybe she likes tall, dark and stupid."

**oooooooooo**

Half an hour later, the Normandy's crew were assembling in the communication room for Captain Anderson's address before they flew out. When Kaidan walked in, the first thing he noticed was Shepard. She was casually chatting with the captain and flashing a brilliant smile. He noticed she wasn't wearing her armour anymore. The commander was wearing the regulation Alliance Marine uniform just like the rest of the crew. Kaidan smiled slightly as he realised how good she looked in it. Shepard was constantly being portrayed as a war hero and an extremely talented soldier, but seeing her now acting so casual and smiling, Kaidan realised she really was just a regular earth girl. That didn't make him feel any less intimidated by her. It was then Kaidan noticed the Shepard was watching him with a small smile on her lips.

"Lieutenant," she said as she weaved through the assembled crowd and came over to him.

"Ma'am," he said formally. "I want to apologise for earlier."

'Forget about it," Shepard smiled. "It's nice to get a compliment occasionally."

"You don't get a lot of compliments?" Kaidan asked with mild surprise.

"No, no I don't," Shepard laughed. "I hardly ever get shore leave so the only guys I'm ever around are my crew. Most of them are too intimidated to say anything. I think my guns put them off."

"I just wanted to make sure things weren't awkward between us," Kaidan said, managing a small smile.

"Everything's fine," Shepard said quietly. "Just remember lieutenant. I'm just an old fashioned gal. Don't let the armour and weapon's put you off."

With those words and a small nod, Shepard weaved back through the crowd and took her place beside Captain Anderson.

"You move fast," Joker said as he appeared at Kaidan's side. "You're having private chats with her already. What's next? A romantic dinner in the mess?"

"Shut up," Kaidan said quietly as Captain Anderson began his address. "Although, I do think you were right about one thing."

"What's that?" Joker asked.

"I think I might just be her type," Kaidan said with a satisfied smile.


	2. Chapter 2

The Normandy departed the Alliance Station shortly after the end of Captain Anderson's speech. Their mission was to test out all of the Normandy's systems in a number of different clusters. The moment the ship flew out of the docking bay, Joker had a smile from ear to ear. Kaidan guessed it was one of the happiest days of his life. They'd talked for a long time the previous night, Joker about the brittle bone disease that affected his legs and Kaidan about his family in Vancouver. The next morning, after consuming what passed as a nutritional breakfast, he made his way up to the bridge to find Joker already in his seat running a series of system checks.

"So, is she as good as you thought she'd be?" Kaidan asked as he once again sat down in the co-pilot's seat.

"The Normandy, is amazing," Joker replied with a sense of awe. "You have to balance the power though. The core generates so much that it can creep up on you."

"I was surprised how quiet that core is," Kaidan added. "The core on the S.S Cairo isn't anywhere near that size yet it's so noisy."

"So," Joker said casually, turning his attention to another panel. "You had a good night sleep."

"Yes," Kaidan said suspiciously. "Those sleeper pods are more comfortable than I thought. Why?"

"I just thought, you know . . ." Joker said with a trademark grin. "You and the commander . . ."

"You're not going to let this go are you?" Kaidan asked with a roll of his eyes.

"Nope," Joker replied. "I forgot to pack my deck of cards, so I need something to entertain me."

"Glad I'm a source of entertainment for you Joker," Kaidan said with a sarcastic smile. "Remind me to get you a deck of cards next time we land."

"I didn't mean to upset you Lieutenant Alenko," Joker teased, glancing at his companion. "Whatever there is between you and the commander . . ."

"THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN ME AND THE COMMANDER!" Kaidan said a little too loudly, causing more than one person behind him to snigger and causing Joker to stifle a laugh.

"You could've just announced that over the comm. Alenko," said a familiar voice with an almost teasing edge. "Although I think everyone heard you anyway."

At that moment, Kaidan wished for nothing more than to be sucked into a black hole. Being embarrassed in front of Shepard once was bad enough, but twice was almost like a cosmic joke. He wondered how many more embarrassing things he'd have to say in front of Shepard before she decided he was a lost cause. Joker was almost bursting with laughter. Putting the Normandy on auto pilot, he grabbed his crutches and hauled himself away, making it Kaidan guessed to the Galaxy Map before he started laughing.

"Sorry about that ma'am," Kaidan said with a smile as he turned his seat to face her. "Joker likes to rile me up about certain things, though his favourite topic seems to be you."

"It's alright lieutenant," Shepard smiled back. "A little comedy helps keep the crew working together smoothly."

"You're right," Kaidan replied with an inward sigh of relief. "So is there something I can do for you?"

"Actually there is," she said. "I read in your file that you're qualified to drive a Mako Rover."

"A Mako? I sure am," Kaidan answered.

"Good," Shepard replied. "Two of the things that need to be tested today are the Normandy's ability to drop the Mako under certain conditions and how the new model of Mako performs in certain conditions. I've already got a qualified gunner and navigator for the rover's testing, so I just need a driver."

"It would be an honour ma'am, but doesn't Captain Anderson decide on the mission teams?" Kaidan asked.

"Captain Anderson's role in these test is primarily a supervisory one," Shepard replied. "So for the next week I'm in command. Are you still interested?"

"Yes ma'am," Kaidan replied. "What time do the tests start?"

"0900 hours," Shepard replied. "I'll meet you in the cargo hold."

"You're coming on the mission?" Kaidan asked in a slightly nervous tone as Shepard began to walk away.

"Yes lieutenant," Shepard said with a smile as she paused. "After all, I am the team gunner and navigator."

**oooooooooo**

Kaidan instantly regretted telling Joker after he returned from his laughing fit that he was going to be spending a lot of time alone with Shepard that day. The pilot jokingly gave him advice on what he should do if the Mako broke down and he and Shepard were stranded, none of which was particularly useful or g-rated. Kaidan did see it as an opportunity to get to know Shepard a little better though. He didn't know much about her apart from her service record and that her parents had both been soldiers. After suiting up, Kaidan headed down to the cargo hold where he found Shepard leaning against the rover waiting.

"I guess Joker gave you a hard time," she said with a smile as she climbed into the Mako.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Kaidan replied with a laugh, closing the vehicle's door behind him.

The first few drops of the Mako were highly successful. Kaidan found that the more time he spent with Shepard, the more comfortable he became. It wasn't until the fourth Mako drop into an open space of 40 meters that a problem occurred. The landing was smooth, and the rover was working normally. Kaidan was driving along a relatively smooth surface and Shepard was collecting data for a 3D map of the planet's surface when the rover came to a sudden, shuddering halt.

"What happened?" Shepard asked as Kaidan looked at the monitor to his right.

"Something must've come loose in the engine during the last drop," Kaidan replied, putting on his helmet and opening the door. "I'll go check it out."

Shepard smiled as Kaidan climbed out and the door shut. The lieutenant was cute, there was no denying that. The way he became so nervous around her was cute too. Shepard had been around soldiers all her life, and she knew a lot of them well enough to know that Kaidan was different. Most soldiers loved to boast about their service history and the kills they'd scored, but Kaidan seemed so controlled and reserved. Shepard was sure there was a reason why he was like that, and she was interested to find out what it was.

"I couldn't find the problem," Kaidan announced when he came back a few minutes later.

"I'll run a system check," Shepard replied as she typed a sequence into the computer.

"Ma'am, do you mind if I ask you about your family?" Kaidan asked as he removed his helmet.

"Not at all lieutenant," Shepard smiled, swinging her seat around. "What do you want to know?"

"Are your parents both still serving with the Alliance?" he asked.

"Mt father retired several years ago," Shepard replied. "He was on a mission and he got shot. One of the bullets struck his spine and destroyed two of his vertebra which left him paralysed."

"Did he take it very hard?" Kaidan asked.

"He did for a while," Shepard said quietly. "It fell on me to look after him, get him settled. He'd been a soldier for so long that it was hard for him to adjust to civilian life."

"Why didn't your mother take them time off?" Kaidan asked, surprised by how easy it was to talk to Shepard like this.

"My mother?" Shepard snorted. "The great Hannah Shepard was a career woman back then. Still is actually. Don't get me wrong, she loved my father, but her career was very important to her. Still, I guess someone had to earn the credits."

"Is your mother still serving?" Kaidan asked.

"Of course. I don't think she's going to be stopping anytime soon either," Shepard laughed casually. "She's serving as the executive officer aboard the SSV Kilimanjaro at the moment."

"The Kilimanjaro? What a posting," Kaidan replied. "Serving aboard one of the Alliance's three dreadnaughts must be great."

"I served with her for a while aboard the Kilimanjaro," Shepard said with a grin. "We Shepard's are a stubborn lot though. My mother and I butted heads a lot."

"Are you planning on having a long career like your mother?" Kaidan asked as Shepard took a quick look at the computer to see if it had detected the problem.

"I never planned on a long career," Shepard said with a grin. "It's not like the universe is going to be destroyed if I'm not serving with the Alliance."

"What would you do if you retired?" Kaidan asked, idly wondering what he would do when he retired."

"Who knows," Shepard said thoughtfully. "I haven't really thought that far ahead. Maybe get married and start a family."

Kaidan felt a sudden heat wash over his face and he quickly turned away from Shepard so she wouldn't see him blush.

"Just when things were starting to feel normal," Kaidan muttered under his breath.

Shepard bit her lip in an effort to stop herself from smiling. It seemed as though anytime she said something remotely related to relationships, Kaidan freaked out. That was cute in a way too.

"Now it's my turn," Shepard said quietly. "You don't mind if I ask you a question do you?"

"No," Kaidan lied as convincingly as he could, hoping his face wasn't still bright red. "Ask away."

"Next time we have some shore leave, would you . . ." Shepard began.

The commander's sentence was cut off by a loud beep signalling an incoming transmission from the Normandy.

"Sorry if I'm interrupting anything," Jokers voice interrupted. "We received a technical fault message from the Mako. Do you guys need a pick up?"

"We do Joker," Shepard replied. "We're running a system check now to see if we can locate the problem."

"Ok," said Joker. "Be there in five commander."

The comm. channel crackled out and Shepard glanced over to see Kaidan watching her with the faintest smile on his lips.

""You expect we'll have some shore leave soon ma'am?" he asked quietly.

"I know I'm due for some," Shepard smiled. "As long as everything goes okay with these tests, I should be having a cold beer on a beach back on earth next week."


	3. Chapter 3

The morning after his conversation with Shepard aboard the stranded Mako, Kaidan was sitting in the mess with a cup of what claimed to be coffee but what he was sure wasn't and a killer migraine that looked as though it had decided to bother him all morning. Kaidan was sitting with his head bowed and his fingers massaging his temples when he heard footsteps approach him.

"You alright lieutenant?" asked a groggy voice.

Kaidan looked up to see Shepard standing across the table from him with her mug. She smiled at him sleepily as she absent mindedly tried to flatten her hair. They hadn't talked much since their mission yesterday.

"Just another migraine. One of the many joys of being an old model biotic," Kaidan grinned as he took a sip of his drink and grimaced. "You're up early."

"One of the many joys of being an exo," Shepard muttered with a yawn as she proceeded to fill her cup. "I hate early rounds."

"I take it you're not a morning person," Kaidan said as she sat down and started sipping her drink, seemingly without any aversion to the strange taste.

"Mornings suck, even in space," Shepard replied.

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Kaidan cracked his neck and Shepard let out a small laugh.

"What?" he asked her.

"I used to crack my bones all the time when I was younger," Shepard said as she drained the contents of her mug. "It really annoyed my mother. Maybe that's why I did it so much."

"I got the habit from my dad," Kaidan replied as Shepard got up to refill her mug. "I don't know how you can drink that stuff."

"I need my coffee, or imitation coffee in this case, in the morning," Shepard said casually as she sat back down at the table. "I become a rather less likeable person if I'm forced to go without it."

Kaidan laughed and took another drink from his cup. The strange taste seemed to disappear if he concentrated on something else. The lieutenant had put a lot of thought into how he could talk to Shepard without making a total idiot of himself as he'd done on several previous occasions. From now on, before Kaidan said anything to Shepard, he would seriously think about what he was going to say so it didn't make him look stupid, in love with her or both.

"I can't imagine you not being likeable," Kaidan replied.

So much for his plan of thinking things through. Maybe he was tall, dark and stupid just like Joker had said.

"I've never met anyone who seemed to like complimenting as much as you Lieutenant Alenko," Shepard said as she looked over the rim of her cup at him and grinned. "I wish you wouldn't look so mortified when you did it though."

"I'll try not to next time ma'am," Kaidan said with a small smile.

Joker was going to have a field day when Kaidan told him about this conversation.

"I still have some time to fill in before I start my rounds," Shepard said after a moment. "So, since I shared yesterday, it's your turn today to tell me about your family."

"Let's see," Kaidan said thoughtfully. "My mother and father live back on Earth in Vancouver. My father was a soldier. He retired just before the First Contact War."

"Any siblings?" asked Shepard.

"A little sister called Kaelyn. She's seven years younger than me" Kaidan said with less enthusiasm than a person talking about a rock. "The apple of my parents' eyes and the perfect child in their opinion."

"I take it you don't get along with her," Shepard said with a grin.

"Don't get me wrong. I love my little sister," Kaidan replied. "We just have a very competitive relationship. I was never well behaved and my grades weren't good. Kaelyn was a straight A student who never missed a day of school and never got a detention."

"Surely your parents were proud of you when you enlisted with the Alliance," Shepard enquired.

"They were eventually," Kaidan replied. "And then Kaelyn enlisted. My parents heaped so much praise and so many congratulations on her that I'm surprised she wasn't buried alive."

"It sounds like she's trying to be like her big brother," Shepard laughed. "What rank is she?"

"She's already a chief," Kaidan replied. "I will say this about Kaelyn though. She's one of the most naturally talented soldiers I've ever seen."

"Is she a biotic?" Shepard asked curiously.

"No, thank goodness," Kaidan grinned. "I'd hate to come up against her if that were the case. If she had biotic abilities on top of her other talents, it would take a squad of Krogan to bring her down."

"She sounds like an impressive soldier," Shepard smiled. "I wouldn't mind serving with her sometime."

"She's as stubborn as anything," Kaidan replied. "That's why no one ever argued with her. I swear she could argue underwater if she wanted to."

"You said you were never well behaved," Shepard said quietly. "Looking at you now, I find that hard to believe."

"My rebellious teenage years were a little more rebellious than most," Kaidan said with a smirk. "Being a young biotic with basically no control over my abilities, I got into a lot of fights. I'd hate to think what kind of a person I'd be today if the Alliance hadn't accepted me. I'd probably be a merc or something worse."

"Then you and I would probably have ended up fighting sometime in the future," Shepard grinned.

"Thank god I didn't go down that path then," Kaidan laughed. "I'd hate to get into a fight with you."

"Then don't get in my way in the morning before I've had my coffee," Shepard smiled as she stood up. "Thanks for the talk lieutenant."

"Anytime . . . Commander," Kaidan said with a soft smile, happy that he finally felt confident enough around Shepard to address her as Commander instead of ma'am.

**oooooooooo**

"I finally called her Commander," Kaidan said to Joker as he settled down in the seat beside him.

"Nice," Joker smiled. "And it only took you three days too. You'll be calling her Shepard by this time next week. Do you think you'll be calling her your girlfriend by the end of the month?"

"Why do I even bother talking to you about the Commander and I?" Kaidan said with a small scowl.

"Well who else are you going to talk about your love life with?" Joker teased. "So what's next for the two of you?"

"I don't know," Kaidan said thoughtfully. "Besides, she's going to be busy for the next few days and there isn't much we can do on the ship."

"Well, actually there is," Joker said casually.

"Like what?" Kaidan asked, missing the glint in Joker's eye.

The pilot didn't elaborate anymore on his comment, choosing instead to raise his eyebrow to convey its full meaning. Kaidan looked at him blankly at him for a few moments before frowning.

"I'm going to pretend I have no idea what you're talking about," he said in a low tone.

"What're you two whispering about?"

Kaidan blushed at the sound of Shepard's voice and turned in his seat to look up at her.

"Nothing Commander," Kaidan said as he shot a sniggering Joker a dark look. "Was there something you needed?"

"I just came to tell Joker that Captain Anderson said we need to make stop at the Stratus Space Station," Shepard replied.

"Inputting the co-ordinates now," said Joker. "Did the captain say why we were stopping there?"

"We're picking someone up," Shepard said as she leaned against Kaidan's seat. "He wouldn't tell me much else."

"Must be a VIP if Captain Anderson wouldn't even tell you all the details," Kaidan added. "What else did he say?"

"Just that his name is Nihlus," Shepard replied.


	4. Chapter 4

Tensions on the Normandy had significantly risen after they'd picked up Nihlus. It had turned out that the Turian was in fact a Spectre. Pressly had voiced his dislike of Turians and Joker had seemingly taken an instant dislike to him after learning this fact. Kaidan wondered if Joker's hate stemmed from the way Nihlus looked at him and his legs. Maybe the hate was a mask for the pilot's insecurity. Kaidan had chosen not to raise the issue with his friend, but he had made Joker's day a little brighter by buying him a deck of cards during their brief stop at the Stratus Space Station. The next day, he and Joker were playing poker when the pilot smirked and looked over his cards at him.

"Have you noticed that the Turian seems to have turned into Shepard's shadow?" Joker said as he discarded two cards. "He seems to be following her everywhere."

"Yeah I've noticed," Kaidan replied as he dealt Joker a pair of new cards. "I think Shepard has too. It must be getting on her nerves."

"Aren't you jealous?" Joker teased. "Someone's moving in on your girl. You should do something about that."

"And here I was thinking getting you a deck of cards would shift your focus from Shepard and I," Kaidan sighed. "Do you honestly want me to get into a fight with a Spectre?"

"Why not?" Joker asked with a grin. "My money would be on you to win."

"I think you just want to see Nihlus get beaten up," Kaidan replied. "While we're on the subject of Nihlus . . ."

"You've been wondering why he's here too huh?" Joker said quietly. "There's no way the Council would send a Spectre to simply serve as an observer."

"I don't doubt that's really part of his mission," Kaidan said thoughtfully. "I just don't think it's his whole mission."

"Why don't you ask Shepard?" Joker asked. "I don't think Captain Anderson would tell you anything but she might. It's a good excuse to spend some time with her."

Joker had a point. He hadn't spoken to Shepard in a while, so it would be nice to have a little time to talk to her. Kaidan wasn't sure if she knew more than they did about Nihlus or if Captain Anderson was keeping her in the dark too. Either way, Joker was right. It was a good excuse.

"We'll finish this game when I get back," Kaidan said as he rose from his seat. "Then we can continue your losing streak."

**oooooooooo**

Kaidan searched the ship for Shepard and eventually found her in the Cargo hold doing maintenance on her guns. He found himself standing just outside the elevator watching her. She was sitting on a table in the far corner, slightly illuminated by a florescent blue light. There was a look of total concentration on her face as she pulled apart her assault rifle, stopping every now and then to fix a piece of hair behind her ear when it fell down into her eyes. Kaidan found himself wondering about Shepard's life as he watched her work in silence. Combat had been a major part of her life from an early age, and being an amazing soldier was what she was known for, but did she enjoy the fighting? He made a mental note to ask her that next time they were alone. It was only after a few minutes, when Shepard had finished cleaning the parts of her rifle and reassembling it, that she looked over at him and smiled.

"Is there something I can help you with Lieutenant?" she asked with the smallest of smiles.

"Just wondering if you had time for a chat Commander," he replied as he walked over to her.

"If you help me out," Shepard grinned as she tossed her pistol to him. "What's on your mind?"

"Well, it's about Nihlus," Kaidan replied as he sat on the table beside her and started dismantling her pistol.

"Ah, my second shadow," Shepard said with a laugh. "You want to know if there's something I'm not telling you about why he's here right?"

"Uh . . . right," Kaidan replied. "Joker keeps coming up with theories so I wanted to see if you knew anything I could tell him to shut him up."

"I'm sorry, but I know just as much as the rest of the crew," Shepard said quietly. "I have the feeling that only Nihlus and Captain Anderson know the full story."

"Nihlus seems rather interested in you," Kaidan smiled. "Hey, maybe he's here to evaluate you and see if you're Spectre material."

Shepard snorted as she polished the scope of her sniper rifle.

"That's just what I need, more fame," she said jokingly. "I can just see it now. I'd be more famous than I was after the Blitz. I hated all those interviews."

Kaidan thought on this as they worked in silence. Shepard was a more private person than he'd thought.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked tentatively.

"Sure," Shepard replied, not looking away from her weapon.

"Do you enjoy fighting?" Kaidan asked, trying to gage her reaction from her expression.

Shepard didn't answer straight away. She stared down at her incomplete sniper rifle for a moment or two before she spoke.

"To be honest, I don't," she said quietly. "If the Blitz had never happened, I probably would've left the marines years ago. Funny how things work out. I raised humanity's profile so much and I'm a good soldier, so I just went with it."

That took Kaidan by surprise and he had to think about his response for a moment. He couldn't imagine Shepard as anything else other than a soldier. It was a role she seemed born to play, but he knew better than anyone that life didn't always deal you the cards you wanted.

"I'm sorry," Shepard laughed, breaking the tense silence. "I didn't mean to be so honest. It's just so easy to talk to you."

"Why don't you just quit?" Kaidan asked in a serious tone. "You can't live your life the other people want you too. You have to do what makes you happy. It's like you said when we were stranded in the Mako. The universe isn't going to be destroyed if you stop being a soldier."

"So, you think I should actually quit?" Shepard asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I can't make that decision for you," Kaidan replied as he finished re-assembling the pistol and held it out to her. "You're the only one who can decide your future."

Shepard stared at the pistol for a moment before the smallest smile crept onto her lips and she took the pistol from Kaidan's hand.

"I always have a lot to think about after talking with you Alenko," she said as she looked at him.

"So what are you going to do?" Kaidan asked.

"I'm going to think on it some more," Shepard said with a genuine smile. "After my posting on the Normandy is finished, maybe I'll get that beer and give it some serious thought."

"I think I might join you," Kaidan replied. "It's time to think about my future."

"I didn't know you were thinking about quitting," Shepard said in surprise.

"I'm not," Kaidan smiled. "I'd just like a posting back on earth. It'd be nice to be closer to the people I care about."

"Are you trying to tell me something Lieutenant Alenko?" Shepard said coyly.

"Not at all Commander," Kaidan laughed. "I just . . ."

"I know what you meant," Shepard said softly. "It's not such a bad idea though. Getting a job back on earth might bring me closer to the people I care about too."

"Now it sounds like you're trying to tell me something," Kaidan smirked.

"Maybe I am," Shepard smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

Kaidan didn't divulge the details of his conversation with Shepard to Joker. He saw Shepard several times later in the day, but the two of them didn't talk again. Kaidan found himself keeping a much closer eye on Shepard than he usually did. Whenever the commander became aware of Nihlus hovering around her, she would look around, catch his eye and smile. Later that night, Kaidan was just finishing up his shift and was heading down to the Sleeper Pods when Joker came hobbling up behind him.

"Not that it's going to do me any good," he grinned. "But I thought I'd ask you one last time. What was your cosy little chat with Shepard about?"

"I'm not telling you," Kaidan replied as he cracked his neck and then rubbed his shoulder. "It was private."

"Oooh," Joker teased. "How private are we talking here?"

"Private enough that I'm not going to tell you anything," Kaidan smirked. "I will tell you this though. She doesn't know anymore about Nihlus than the rest of us."

"Well that settles it," Joker said seriously. "We're out here under false pretences. Hmph."

"There's no need to get so worked up," Kaidan said with a bemused grin. "We'll find out more when and if we need to."

"Well, aren't you easily satisfied," Joker teased. "We could be about to embark on a mission to save the entire universe and you're more concerned with getting a good night's sleep."

"I really hope that's not the case," Kaidan mumbled. "That would really suck for Shepard."

"What do you mean?' Joker asked. "The mission would probably result in another medal and a promotion for the Alliance's poster girl."

"I'm not too sure Shepard would be happy to hear you calling her that," Kaidan grinned, unintentionally picturing Shepard as a pin-up girl in his mind. "The last thing she wants is . . . never mind."

Joker narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but decided not to pry. He knew Kaidan would never betray Shepard's confidence and tell anyone her secrets.

"You really like her don't you?" Joker smiled as he made himself a cup of coffee.

"She's a great woman," Kaidan replied, choosing his words carefully. "She's strong, smart . . . beautiful."

"My god you have it bad," Joker smirked. "Why don't you just tell Shepard and see how she feels?"

"I think she already has a pretty good idea how I feel," Kaidan said quietly. "And I think I have a pretty good idea how she feels."

**oooooooooo**

The next morning, Kaidan had early rounds, so he was up at an ungodly hour of the morning. He stood at the coffee machine for five minutes debating the pros and cons of digesting a cup of its contents until he decided nothing was worth running the risk of poisoning himself. As usual, Shepard's sleeper pod had been empty when he'd woken up. He'd begun to wonder if she ever slept for any extended period of time. After having his special high energy biotic breakfast and watching the latest news vids, Kaidan made his way up to the bridge to have his morning chat with Joker. However, the lieutenant stopped short of the bridge when he saw that Shepard was already there speaking and laughing with Joker. Kaidan sincerely hoped they were talking about something other than him, but he was highly doubtful. A minute or two later, Shepard yawned and as she stretched, she noticed Kaidan and smiled at him.

"Lieutenant Alenko, we were just talking about you," Shepard called to him as Kaidan approached the bridge.

"Really," Kaidan said coolly, glancing over at Joker who was wearing a wide grin. "Anything in particular about me that you were talking about?"

"Not really," Shepard said smugly. "Just a bit of this and a bit of that."

"As long as nothing bad was said," Kaidan replied, now looking at Joker with increased suspicion. "Commander, can I speak with you in private for a moment?"

"Of course," Shepard smiled. "We'll continue this conversation later Joker."

"I look forward to it ma'am," Joker replied before smirking at Kaidan and then turning his attention to a near-by control panel.

Shepard and Kaidan walked until they were out of Joker's ear shot and then stopped.

"Have you given things anymore thought?" Kaidan asked quietly.

"It's all I've been thinking about since yesterday," Shepard said seriously. "It's strange. The harder I think about my decision, the harder it seems to make."

"Anyone who's had to make a decision as important as the one you're contemplating knows what you mean," Kaidan said with an encouraging smile. "You still have plenty of time to think things over and ultimately make the decision that's right for you."

"I've never been able to put my needs before the needs of others," Shepard said with a smirk. "A good trait in some ways and a crippling one in others."

"Sometimes the most necessary changes are the hardest ones to make," Kaidan replied. "You're smart though Shep . . . Commander. You'll figure it out."

"Don't forget I'm strong and beautiful too," Shepard grinned, winking at him and Kaidan instantly knew that Joker had ratted him out.

"I'm going to kill him," Kaidan muttered. "So that's why you two looked so smug before."

"Pretty much," Shepard smiled. "Judging from my conversation with Joker, it's obvious you didn't say anything about our conversation in the cargo bay."

"I wasn't sure if you'd be comfortable with that, so I decided not to" Kaidan replied honestly.

"Thank you," Shepard said as she leaned back against the wall. "I wouldn't mind if you told just Joker though. I trust him, and it's obvious you do too."

"If it's all the same ma'am, I'd prefer to keep it between the two of us," Kaidan said quietly. "You don't need any added pressure."

"You worry about me an awful lot Alenko," Shepard teased as she playfully punched his arm. "I've never had anyone worry about me before. It's cute."

Kaidan fought the urge to blush, but the burning in his cheeks moments later let him know he'd been unsuccessful.

"I can't help but worry about you," the lieutenant said with a slight smile. "It's a reflex."

A comfortable silence descended around them as Kaidan stared at Shepard and she stared back at him. Kaidan was surprised at how strong and instant their connection had been. He'd met Shepard five short days ago and she'd already cemented an important place in his heart wether she knew it or not.

"So, have you given anymore thought to your future?" Shepard asked with a smile that caught Kaidan off guard.

"I haven't to be honest," Kaidan smiled. "I've been more worried about you."

"You're such a mother hen," Shepard teased. "I do have the ability to look after myself. I fought off an army of Batarian Slavers remember?"

"That doesn't stop me worrying," Kaidan replied. "I just can't help myself when it comes to you."


	6. Chapter 6

Day six of Kaidan's posting aboard the Normandy was off to a smooth start. Joker seemed to have forgotten about him and Shepard and was now fixated about finding out the truth behind Nihlus being aboard the ship. Joker's constant conspiracies were significantly less annoying than his teasing had been. He'd seen Shepard once or twice, but they'd exchanged nothing but brief smiles. Kaidan noticed that Shepard seemed to be really in Commander mode, her face set with what almost looked like a permanent frown. It really was hard to believe being a soldier wasn't something she enjoyed. However, as the morning dragged on, Kaidan felt the tell tale signs of a severe migraine setting in. He tried to push the growing pain out of his mind and focus on his work, but when lunch time came around, the pain was overwhelming. Since he didn't like going to Doctor Chakwas every time he had a migraine and complaining, Kaidan chose a nice, quiet spot in the cargo hold and sat down to have his lunch. The spot was at the front of the Mako and against the wall. As he sat there eating in silence and staring at the sludge on his tray, Kaidan began to reflect on the conversation he'd had with Shepard about the future. In truth, he'd never really thought about it until he'd talked to her. Kaidan also found it ironic that he'd given Shepard the lecture on living her life for herself and not anyone else when he was doing the exact opposite. After the Vernus incident at brain camp, a rift formed between him and his parents and he didn't talk to them for nearly a year. After a while though, Kaidan began to miss his parents and sister, so he'd enlisted with the Alliance, knowing it would make his parents proud and hopefully be a trigger for reconciliation. It worked and Kaidan went with it to preserve peace in the Alenko family.

"Are you alright?"

Kaidan jumped at the sudden intrusion into his silence and looked up to see Shepard looking down at him.

"Commander," he said hastily, grabbing hold of his tray before it hit the ground. "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing," Shepard smiled, obviously amused by the startled expression on his face. "I was concerned when you weren't in the mess at lunch, so I came to look for you."

"Sorry. I should've told someone where I was going to be," Kaidan apologised. "I've got a damn migraine and I just needed some time out."

"I can leave if you want me to," she said, a concerned expression on her face.

"No. I usually hate eating alone, so I'd appreciate the company," Kaidan replied, patting the floor beside him. "Take a seat."

"Have you seen Doctor Chakwas?" Shepard asked as she sat down in a graceful manner that Kaidan hadn't expected. "I'm sure she could give you something."

"Nothing works," Kaidan smiled grimly. "Besides, it'll pass in a few hours."

"It's amazing isn't it?" Shepard mused. "Humanity has made all these advances, but we haven't yet invented a cure for migraines or hangovers."

Kaidan snorted and tried not to spray his mouthful of food everywhere.

"There's a real rebel behind that composed exterior of yours isn't there?" he teased.

"You don't know the half of it," Shepard grinned. "Being so proper on duty can have disastrous consequences when shore leave comes around. I could drink most men under the table."

"Speaking from experience?" Kaidan asked.

"You should've seen me after The Blitz," Shepard replied. "They tell me I got into a bar fight with a Krogan."

"Did you win?" Kaidan asked with a bemused grin.

"Apparently I did," Shepard laughed. "I don't remember that day or the one after, but I'm pretty sure that's when I got my scar."

"So, is there anything else I should know about the great Commander Shepard?" Kaidan asked as he finished the food left on his tray and then sat it down on the ground.

"Let's see . . ." Shepard said thoughtfully. "I'm a cat person, my favourite colour is red and I miss rainy days."

"I miss the beach near my parent's house in Vancouver," Kaidan mused. "The view from the balcony during a storm is amazing."

"It sounds nice," Shepard smiled. "I'd like to visit Vancouver sometime. Maybe that'll be my first stop when I get back to earth."

"So you've decided to quit the Alliance?" Kaidan asked with a mild hint of shock.

"Circumstances permitting, yeah," Shepard replied with a small smile. "You were right when you said I shouldn't live my life fir anyone but me."

"Have you told anyone else yet?" Kaidan asked. "I can just imagine the media frenzy when you announce you're retiring."

"I haven't told anyone but you," she said. "I'm going to do it with as little fuss as possible, so hopefully only Captain Anderson and Admiral Hackett will have to get involved."

The two of them sat in silence for a long time, listening to the gentle hum of the drive core and the soft buzzing of the ship.

"What's the first thing you're going to do in your new civilian life?" Kaidan asked after a while.

"Find a place to live I guess," Shepard replied. "I've lived aboard the star ships most of my life, so it'll be a nice change to have a place to call home that stay's in one place."

"Any idea where you'd like to get a place?" Kaidan asked.

"Not really, no," Shepard said thoughtfully. "I haven't visited earth much, so I was planning on travelling for a bit and once I found a place I liked, I'd settle down there."

"Travelling sounds great," Kaidan smiled. "Space is beautiful, but nothing matches good old planet Earth."

"Why don't you come with me then?" Shepard said enthusiastically. "I could talk to Admiral Hackett and get you some extended leave time. Then you could show me Vancouver."

Kaidan smiled as he looked at the excitement and joy on Shepard's face. The idea was a brilliant one. Truth be told, he couldn't think of anything better than travelling with Shepard, showing her the place where he'd grown up and that meant so much to him.

"I'd like that," he said with a warm smile.

"I can't wait to meet your parents," Shepard said as she stretched out her arms and legs.

"My parents?" Kaidan asked a little louder than he'd intended, causing Shepard's attention to snap back to him.

"Yeah, your parents," Shepard said quietly. "I mean, since we're going to Vancouver, we may as well visit them."

"Of course, that's a great idea," Kaidan replied. "You know what they're going to think right. That you and I are . . ."

"Are what, Lieutenant Alenko?" Shepard smirked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"A couple," Kaidan finished. "You loved making me say that didn't you?"

"Yup," Shepard said, still smirking. "Some of your expressions are priceless."

"Just think, this time next week, we'll most likely be on the balcony at my parent's house," Kaidan said with a smile. "You'll be able to have that beer and you may even get to see a rain storm."

"Circumstances permitting," Shepard reminded him.

"Circumstances permitting," Kaidan replied.


	7. Chapter 7

"What's with the stupid smile?" Joker asked as Kaidan sat down in his usual chair to the pilot's right. "It's been plastered across your face since yesterday."

"I'm just happy," Kaidan said with a hint of smugness. "Plus I'm looking forward to my next shore leave."

"Are you now?" Joker smirked. "It's not hard to imagine why. Is it possible you're looking forward to shore leave because you're going to be spending it with someone?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kaidan replied calmly, determined not to show Joker just how close he'd been to the truth.

"You're such a bad liar," Joker teased. "So, where will you and Shepard be going on your first date?"

"What makes you think she and I are going on a date?" Kaidan asked, a little flustered. "And for that matter, what makes you think we're together?"

"I know everything that happens on this ship," Joker said sagely as he crossed his arms and grinned. "Nothing escapes me."

"You were listening in on us yesterday!" Kaidan said indignantly with an appalled expression.

"I was bored and I needed something to do," Joker said innocently, smirking at Kaidan as his cheeks burned red.

"How much did you hear?" Kaidan asked suddenly realising that Shepard's secret, that she was going to retire, could be out.

"The Commander was talking about getting you some extended shore leave," Joker smirked as he sat back with his arms still folded. "It all sounded very romantic."

Kaidan sighed a sigh of relief as he slumped back in his chair. Shepard's secret was safe for now.

"Thank god," he muttered under his breath. "Did you, tell anyone what you heard?"

"Nope. It'll be our little secret," Joker promised. "As long as you keep me in the loop about what's happening with you guys."

"That's blackmail," Kaidan replied.

"Yup," Joker replied with a grin before turning his attention to a near-by control panel. "Sure is."

Kaidan narrowed his eyes at Joker for a moment before he heard footsteps approaching them and turned his head to see that it was Shepard, but something appeared to be wrong with her. She had fair skin, but this morning she looked terribly pale and even a little worried.

"Morning Lieutenants," Shepard said with a smile that Kaidan could tell was forced because her real smile was much more striking. "How are you both this morning?"

"Right as _rain_ Commander," Joker replied, glancing over at Kaidan to see what his reaction was at him alluding to their earlier conversation.

"I'm fine. No signs of a migraine," Kaidan replied, throwing another of his 'shut the hell up' looks at Joker. "Are you alright ma'am?"

"I'm fine Lieutenant Alenko," Shepard said quietly. "Just overworked and suffering from a lack of sleep."

Kaidan could that was a lie. Something was wrong. Something had happened that had frightened Shepard.

"Ma'am, could I speak to you in private for a moment?" Kaidan asked.

"Of course Lieutenant," Shepard said with a small smile. "Same place as yesterday?"

**oooooooooo**

Kaidan and Shepard headed down to their spot in the cargo bay in silence. Part of Kaidan was wondering what had scared Shepard so badly. He always thought of her as having nerves of steel.

"So Lieutenant," Shepard said finally as she leaned back against the front of the Mako. "What can I help you with?"

"Actually, I wanted to talk about you," Kaidan admitted. "Is everything alright with you?"

"Everything's fine," Shepard said casually. "Like I said before, I'm suffering from a lack of . . ."

"I know what you said," Kaidan interrupted. "But you and I both know it was a lie. Something happened to you didn't it? You look terrible."

"A few days ago you would've died of embarrassment after saying that to me," Shepard teased. "If I didn't know any better Lieutenant, I'd say you were becoming comfortable around me."

"I'm serious," Kaidan replied. "If something's happened, you can tell me."

"Fine," Shepard sighed as she crossed her arms. "You're going to think it's stupid though."

"I promise I won't," Kaidan replied. "If it's got you this shaken up, I doubt it's stupid."

"I . . . I had a nightmare," Shepard mumbled. "It felt so real. The Normandy was attacked by this massive ship and destroyed. I was sucked out into space during the attack and then the oxygen lines in my suit snapped. My body just drifted until I passed out and then I woke up."

"No wonder that scared you," Kaidan smiled. "I think every marine has that same sort of dream at one time or another though, so I wouldn't worry about it too much."

"I've only had a nightmare that vivid once before," Shepard said quietly. "It was the night before the Blitz."

"You think the nightmare was a warning of some kind?" Kaidan asked seriously.

"Maybe, maybe not," Shepard said with a small laugh. "Like you said, everyone has that dream. I think dwelling on it is only getting me worked up anyway. I just need to put it out of my mind."

"Good idea. I don't think it's likely we'll run into any trouble in this cluster. It's pretty stable," Kaidan grinned. "Although, if things with Joker and Nihlus don't settle down, we could have a war aboard the ship."

"You think Nihlus would pick a fight with Joker?" Shepard asked with a hint of concern.

"No way. He's too disciplined for that," Kaidan laughed. "Joker on the other hand . . ."

"I'm sure our pilot would find a new use for his crutches," Shepard laughed. "So I guess it's safe to assume that Joker is still coming up with conspiracy theories?"

"I'll tell you what," Kaidan began. "If I have to listen to anymore of those stupid theories, I'm going to find a new use for Joker's crutches."

"So what were you guys talking about before?" Shepard asked with a small laugh. "You looked so flustered."

"Joker was . . . listening in on the last part of our conversation yesterday," Kaidan admitted. "He promised not to tell anyone what he heard as long as I kept him in the loop about us."

"I wondered why he was giving me that funny look," Shepard mused. "Wait, did he hear me talking about . . ."

"No," Kaidan answered quickly, causing Shepard to sigh with relief. "He tuned in about halfway through, so he missed that."

"Thank god," Shepard said quietly. "For a moment there I thought my secret might be out."

"Nope," Kaidan said happily. "It stays between you and me until you decide otherwise."

"I think Captain Anderson has a feeling something's going on," Shepard mused as she stretched out her arms and flexed her fingers. "He's been keeping a closer eye on me since yesterday."

"You think he'll support your decision?" Kaidan asked.

"I think he will," Shepard replied confidently. "Admiral Hackett is going to be a whole different story. I'm sure he'll try and change my mind."

"I find it hard to believe anyone could change your mind," Kaidan smirked.

"Are you calling me stubborn Lieutenant Alenko?" Shepard grinned as she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Never ma'am," Kaidan replied.

Just then, there was a soft crackling of the comm. coming online followed by Joker's voice.

"Bridge to Commander Shepard."

"What is it Joker?" Shepard asked.

"We're heading to Edan Prime to test out the Stealth Systems," said Joker. "So Captain Anderson wants to see you in the comm. room."

"Thanks Joker," Shepard replied. "Tell him I'll be there in a minute."

"Will do," said Joker. "Oh and Kaidan, I need you up her in the co-pilot's chair."

"Duty calls," Shepard sighed as she pushed herself away from the Mako.

"Edan Prime seems like an odd choice for testing grounds," Kaidan said with a frown.

"Don't you start," Shepard warned him with a grin as they headed over to the elevator. "Joker had the conspiracy theories covered. "The stealth systems were the last thing on the list to test so we have shore leave to look forward to once the test are finished."

"So your days as Commander Shepard are numbered," Kaidan said quietly. "How does it feel knowing you'll soon be a civilian?"

"It feels good," Shepard said with a genuine smile. "Let's just hope our trip to Edan Prime goes smoothly."


End file.
